Hope for the Family: Christian Action for Stronger Families
A debate is raging within North American society about the nature and role of the family. North Americans are confronted with new proposals for how to define a family, with renewed calls to restore the "traditional" family and with great despair about the societal implications of family breakdown. How should the Reformed Church in America respond? In an effort to offer a word of encouragement to families and to offer a prophetic word to society about the importance of families, the Commission on Christian Action presents here a biblical vision of the family that speaks to these raging voices.
This paper includes several sections. The first section looks at the social crisis surrounding American families. Section two explores a biblical perspective on what the family can be, as a basic form of human community with unique functions that offer interesting parallels to the whole body of Christ. Because the church has special responsibility to strengthen the families within its fellowship, section three examines some approaches congregations can take. Section four discusses the additional responsibility of the church to help strengthen all families, not just its own. In this regard, the paper offers ways in which families can be strengthened through reforms in public policy.
I. THE FAMILY CRISIS IN AMERICAN SOCIETY
No one can deny that the nature and role of the family has changed in recent decades. The traditional family mother, father, children, all living together has become less common and, for some, less the norm to follow. Yet, the evidence is quickly accumulating from across the political spectrum that the breakdown of this family structure has negative consequences both for individuals and for society. Indeed, Dr. David Myers reports that a survey of members of the American Psychological Association identified the "decline of the nuclear family" as the most important threat to mental health (Myers, p. 5).
Consider the evidence that the family is disintegrating:
Divorce rates have increased from 9.2 per 1,000 married women in 1960 to 20.7 per 1,000 married women in 1990 (Bennett, 1993, p. 14).
The percentage of all children born to unmarried women has increased from 5.3 percent in 1960 to 28.0 percent in 1990 (Bennett, 1993, p. 10).
Out-of-wedlock birth rates reach nearly 80 percent in some urban neighborhoods (Elshtain, 1993, p. 710).
Sixty-four percent of African-American children are born to unwed mothers and 51 percent live in households without a father present (Sawhill, 1992, p. 15).
One out of four children in the 1990s will enter a step-family relationship (Whitehead, 1993, p. 50).
More than 60 percent of single mothers receive no child support from the father (Whitehead, 1993, p. 62).
Consider the damaging effects of family breakdown, especially on children:
Three out of four teenage suicides occur in households where a parent has not been living in the home (Elshtain, 1993, p. 710).
Five of six adolescents in the criminal justice system come from a family with an absent parent (Elshtain, 1993, p. 710).
More than 70 percent of juveniles in state reform institutions come from fatherless homes (Whitehead, 1993, p. 77).
Children in single-parent families are nearly six times as likely to be poor as children in two-parent families (Whitehead, 1993, p. 47).
Forty-four percent of single-parent families in 1989 were poor (Sawhill, 1992, p. 152).
"The most important indicator of childhood problems from poor health to poverty to behavioral problems is whether a child grows up in a two-parent or single-parent or no-parent household" (Elshtain, 1993 p. 710).
The church cannot simply stand back and watch this deterioration of the family and its damaging effects on society. Rather, the church must work actively to strengthen family bonds and to reduce the societal consequences of family dysfunction.
Alternative Perspectives on the Family
In the midst of a growing consensus that the breakdown of the traditional family is damaging to society, there are loud voices offering contrasting positions in the debate over the family, voices which can lead to extreme perspectives which must be avoided. It is important that we in the RCA re-establish our course between these extreme perspectives on the family.
One perspective is relatively unconcerned about the form of a family, accepting uncritically almost any kind of caring adult relationship with or without children. Two-parent families, single-parent families, cohabiting adults, and homosexual unions are equally valid in this view and ought to be legitimized in law, public policy, and church life. Unfortunately, the more one stretches the definition of family, the less the term "family" really means. If any loving relationship constitutes a family, regardless of the length of the commitment, the term "family" itself has little value. From this perspective, family is defined almost exclusively in terms of function love and care rather than in terms of form. In addition, proponents of this view often minimize the consequences of family breakup. For example, they are quick to suggest divorce in the quest for individual happiness and fulfillment, underemphasizing the effects of divorce on spouses and children.
The contrasting perspective, which can also lead to an unhealthy extreme, accepts only one type of family form a two-parent, patriarchal system, governed by a strong father who is seen as responsible for generating income, and nurtured by the mother who is responsible for housekeeping and child-rearing. Unfortunately, this perspective seems to have little empathy for those involved in family breakdowns, often looking more to cast blame than to meet the needs of the victims of the breakdown. Neither does this perspective seem to appreciate the gifts and the expanding role of women; by idealizing the stay-at-home wife and mother, this perspective does not recognize either the economic circumstances that often force women to work or the capabilities of women for work outside the home. In its rigid separation of parental roles, this perspective sometimes minimizes the role that fathers should play in caring for children. As Rodney Clapp (Families at the Crossroads, Chapter 2) notes, much of this vision of the traditional family represents a middle-class, eighteenth-century, western social structure, rather than a biblical vision of the family. As so often happens in discussion of social issues, advocates of this perspective have allowed a particular historical model to distort their reading of Scripture.
The task of those in the Reformed tradition is to steer a course between these contrasting, often extreme, visions of the family. One must search the Scriptures to find basic principles for the structure and function of families. From Genesis on, it is clear that God has planned for the family to be a most important social structure, joining in love and commitment husband and wife and providing for the birth and nurture of children. Although Scripture portrays a variety of family structures, it also suggests limits to the kinds of family structures that are pleasing to God. The church has an immense obligation to put forth a biblical vision of the family and to address family breakdown and its societal consequences in a prophetic and caring manner.
Why Is the Family in Crisis?
That the traditional two-parent family is eroding is overwhelmingly evident both from demographic trends and from ideological assaults. This trend has serious implications for parents, children, and society as a whole.
At the heart of this erosion is the shift from the value of community to the value of the individual. Instead of seeing themselves as members of a family or community with responsibilities for others, people are more likely to see themselves as individuals with rights, needs, and desires. The language of individual rights has replaced the language of community responsibilities. The language of personal fulfillment has replaced the language of loving one's neighbor. This is clearly seen in the changing attitudes toward divorce in North American society. What was widely seen as an unfortunate and disruptive action of last resort is now seen as a means to pursue individual goals that have been stifled in a constricting, legal relationship.
Economic factors also contribute to family breakdown. Often, both parents now work, leaving many of their childcare responsibilities to others. It is true that some parents enter the work force in a materialistic quest for a certain lifestyle, and others do so for reasons of personal identity and fulfillment. It is also true that more parents must work, must work longer hours, or must work at more than one job to make ends meet. Having both parents working does not automatically create family problems, but in many cases it does. Children are spending more time at home without parental supervision or at day care centers which may or may not provide the loving or learning environment that children need. Many communities lack sufficient high quality, affordable daycare, which can increase the pressures on working parents and hinder the development of children.
Public policies have often permitted, or even worse, facilitated the breakup of families. No-fault divorce laws, although not the determining cause for increased divorce rates, do allow quick and easy dissolutions of marriages, often with little regard for the children and with little encouragement for spouses to work out their difficulties. Some states in the U.S. still have welfare policies which reduce payments to families with a father living in the home, thus providing incentives for fathers to leave. Programs that reduce benefits for parents who accept low-paying jobs with few opportunities for health insurance or child care can have the effect of keeping people on the welfare rolls. Tax policies which reward the wealthy at the expense of the lower-middle class can create additional pressures for both parents to work or for parents to work longer hours.
II. THE FAMILY: BIBLICAL AND THEOLOGICAL INSIGHTS
A family is a group of individuals related to one another by law or birth. This general definition is offered in full awareness that the term "family" is very difficult to define precisely. For while everyone intuitively knows what the term means, the great diversity of family types makes defining the family solely in terms of form almost impossible. The simplest form of family husband and wife (with or without children) is statistically on the decline in recent times. And while there has been a variety of family forms since the beginning of time, the realities of American life death, divorce, and remarriage have created a mix of numerous forms of traditional, extended, and blended family units.
One of the intentions of the Commission on Christian Action is to speak a prophetic word of encouragement to families today. The belief that the family was ordained by God as an act of grace for the benefit, enjoyment, and nurture of human beings underlies all that is said here about the family. The Westminster shorter catechism reminds us that the human purpose is to glorify God and enjoy God forever. Families provide a dynamic atmosphere for human relations in which God can be glorified and God's people enriched, both spiritually and socially.
There is a relationship between family form and function. For example, fidelity is a function of healthy marriages which has obvious implications for family form. While the Bible outlines some basic parameters concerning form, which will be noted below, the greater emphasis of Scripture is on function. It is possible for a particular family to fit the traditional family model husband-wife-biological children yet totally miss the mark of spiritual and social enrichment which is called for in Scripture. That is, merely conforming to a particular type does not guarantee the scriptural intentions for family living, which entail, among other things, the belief and practice of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5), the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20), and the Beatitudes (Matthew 5). Put another way, a traditional family form is no guarantee against neglect or abuse. Mutual love can be absent in nuclear families as much as in nonnuclear families.
Christians in the Reformed/Presbyterian tradition believe that families are called to pursue the glory of God. Healthy families are the result of healthy relationships among family members; and healthy relationships are enhanced by daily love for, and practice of, the virtues of Jesus. The fundamental building block in healthy homes is the acceptance and practice of godly grace. The result is freedom from guilt and from any need for revenge. The corporate pursuit of the glory of God fosters maturity in the family unit; and in this pursuit the family members assist each other in the giving and receiving of forgiveness and love.
Function
Biblically based family values are for the benefit of everyone, regardless of the family configuration. People in the RCA may find it comforting to learn that many of the Bible's great teachings on the Christian home are offered in the context of nontraditional settings, even dysfunctional homes, like those of Abraham, Jacob, and David. Jorge Maldonado's book, Even in the Best of Families, offers great encouragement by looking at a variety of home and family situations in the Bible.
In terms of function, there are interesting parallels between the family and the church. The Apostle Paul calls the church "the family of faith" (Gal. 6:10). A healthy church functions in many of the same ways as a healthy home. Thus the following paragraphs offer insights on family enrichment which are mirrored in the church, and are applicable presumably to any and all family situations.
-
Fellowship. This word, along with "communion," is the common translation of the Greek word koinonia. It is the close association of two or more people (Matt. 18:20). God created human beings to be in community: "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone'"(Gen. 2:18a). In biblical and extra-biblical literature koinonia is a favorite expression for the divine-human relationship, the union of members of the body of Christ, the marriage relationship, and the trinitarian relationship. It implies sharing, fairness, altruism, and generosity. By it Christians are reminded that many of the great virtues God's people hope to foster in the church can and should be fostered in the Christian home. This is where the child first experiences and learns fellowship.
-
Procreation and nurture. While the birth of children is not necessary to a definition of the family, it is within the safe confines of the marital bond between husband and wife that children are to be conceived, born, and nurtured. God said to the man and woman, "Be fruitful and multiply" (Gen. 1:28). Another important aspect of Christian family life mirrored in the church is the function of education and nurture. After the summary of the law, given in Deuteronomy 6:4-5, we are instructed to teach the commandments to our children: "Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise" (v. 7).
The healthy family is also committed to helping each member discover and develop individual spiritual gifts. It is not threatened but rejoices with individual achievements and success.
The educational task of families, in response to God's call for believers to be disciples of Christ in a broken world, requires skills in dialogue and a commitment to unity, peace, and justice. The commission finds practical efforts in other religious communities very appealing. For example, the Mormons have fostered this so well in their Family Home Evening series, in which families are encouraged to spend one evening per week in the home learning and growing together. In this context the great and important lessons of stewardship may also be modeled and learned.
Discipline in the home is an important aspect of nurturing children. It is important to remember that "disciple" and "discipline" come from the same Greek word meaning "upbringing, training, instruction, and correction." At times proper discipline includes punishing unacceptable behavior, and parents must not avoid this task. Biblical encouragement is found in texts such as Proverbs 3:11-12; 6:20-23; 19:18, and Hebrews 12:5-11, which places discipline in the proper context, namely, love. "My child, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord," the author of Hebrews writes, "for the Lord disciplines those whom he loves" (vss. 5-6). In verse 10 we are told that the purpose of discipline is "that we may share his holiness." The practical outcome of good discipline is "the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it" (vs. 11). Thus, proper discipline is never violent or abusive. Its fruits include peace, holiness, and respect.
Discipline and discipleship require intentional and godly courage. All parents have had moments of frustration when they have been overwhelmed by the twin tasks of discipling and disciplining their children, and have probably more than once come to the conclusion Erma Bombeck came to about her children: "They were a 4-H project that got out of hand." Parents would do well to remember the James Dobson book title, Parenting Isn't for Cowards.
-
Worship. As corporate worship is essential to the church's spiritual health and well-being, so a family must foster knowledge of the sacred character of life and experience this truth in worship. The one surviving story of the boyhood of Jesus occurs in the context of worship. We are reminded that worship was a high priority for Joseph and Mary. Corporate worship is a key element of Christian family life.
Furthermore, worship should not be limited to the church setting but extended into the home. In the home, family members may ask honest questions about spirituality, faith, and social issues. Families are encouraged to be creative in finding appropriate methods for family devotions, songs of praise, and prayer. Here also parents have the great opportunity to model the Christian life before their children. Here wrongdoing is confessed, forgiveness sought and given. Here, in the setting of the home, the seeds of faith, hope, and love spring to life so that the tree bears its good fruit.
-
Mission. For the church as the community of the cross, mission has always meant reaching out beyond themselves, in obedience to the Great Commission (Matt. 28:19). One of the primary functions of the Christian family, too, is to follow the Lord's call. Christians are blessed to be a blessing to others. This great concept was first set forth in Abram's call to leave his father's house, his kindred, and to follow the Lord's leading. God said, "I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing" (Gen. 12:2). Here we are reminded that wholeness comes only from doing the will of God in the world. It is essential to have and to keep a mission focus as a family, remembering that the purpose of Christian families is to live and function for the glory of God, not of self. The family is not a self-serving unit even though the benefits that await its members are great. It has a mission, a task to perform, an outward focus, and will thrive spiritually insofar as it lives its mission, following the calling of the Lord. Family life often falters for the same reason churches wither and die: God's people tend to avoid the difficult challenge of being light in a dark world (Matt. 5:13), preferring to opt for the convenient or the comfortable.
Form
Function is intricately related to form. They are connected by the covenantal bond that undergirds the relational enrichment which God intends for God's children. Some basic parameters of family life are given in Scripture which have implications for both form and function.
-
Fidelity. Fidelity is the divine will for marriage. Jesus, quoting Gen. 2:24 ("Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh") concluded, "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate" (Matt. 19:6). The warning of the seventh commandment, prohibiting adultery, underscores the exclusiveness of marriage which God intends. Mutual devotion between husband and wife is a reflection of God's devotion to God's people (Eph. 5:21-33).
-
Monogamy. The consistent witness of the church is that marriage involves one man and one woman (Matt. 19:3-9; 1 Tim. 3:1-13).
-
Permanence. Marriage is meant to last a lifetime. The RCA liturgy asks those entering the institution of marriage to vow faithfulness to each other "as long as you both shall live" (Order of Worship for Christian Marriage, 1987). The permanence of marriage is interrupted only by death, or in some rare instances by divorce, for example, where unchastity is proven (Matt. 5:32).
A final word can be said in this context about the biblical call to singleness, for not everyone marries. This does not deprecate the value of marriage; it does not negate the general truth of Genesis 2:18: "It is not good that the man should be alone." Jesus lived a single life, as did Paul and many of the disciples. This does not mean, however, a life of isolation and aloneness; single people are not to live their lives in a social vacuum. Human beings were created to live in community, not in isolation. Thus, the church has an important obligation and responsibility to all people, both married and single, to be an extended family and to welcome strangers.
III. THE CHURCH'S ROLE IN HELPING FAMILIES
The church has a unique and important ministry to families. A crucial arena for Christian witness to the world is our affirmation, support, and encouragement of families. Genesis records the story of Cain denying any responsibility toward his biological brother Abel. In contrast, Paul suggests the parallels between the church and the family and makes it clear that Christians have an important obligation to one another. Church members often call each other "brother and sister in the Lord." Jesus said in reference to his disciples: "Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother" (Matt. 12:49-50). Thus, a unique and special blessing of the church is this characteristic that all believers are a part of God's family. The church is nothing short of a great extended family which recognizes the special needs of its individual members and fosters positive experiences that will benefit and enrich the lives of all, regardless of the family type or form.
In a number of ways the Reformed Church in America has declared these truths about families and has sought to embody them in its congregational life. The report of the Commission on Theology, "Biblical Perspectives on Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage" (MGS 1975, pp. 162-172), for instance, is a powerful statement on God's goals for marriage, offering guidelines for ministry by the church in this domain. The Family Life Ministry of the RCA, which functioned for about a decade after publication of the Commission on Theology's statement, sought to equip congregations for family ministry. It developed a "marriage enrichment" curriculum Growing in Marriage, written by the Rev. Del and Trudy Vander Haar and published with the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) and National Presbyterian Mariners, which has been used by many congregations in short courses and retreats for married couples.
Since that time, healthy marriages and family life have not gotten easier. Rather, RCA congregations are plagued by increasing rates of divorce and other family disruption. What would have been scandalous to a previous generation is too often now treated as sadly inevitable. Expectations of faithfulness to the covenant of Christian marriage are so often disappointed that the power of Christian witness in a world full of sinful and ruptured relationships is greatly diminished.
What can the church do to recover, within the community of believers, a sense of God's purposes and resources for marriage and family? Surely, nothing less than proclaim them, teach them, and live them. The RCA recently established a staff position for family life ministry and spiritual formation. As those who directed the Family Life Ministry of the RCA urged, commitments and strategies to sustain marriage must be developed by each congregation, utilizing the resources available through denominational offices and ecumenical ministries, like Marriage Encounter. Furthermore, programming for marriage enrichment and family support is greatly enhanced when family "clusters" and other small groups exist to reinforce the lessons, share the difficulties and the triumphs, and together seek out God's blessings and direction for each other through prayer and the study of God's Word. Congregations can encourage family life through worship and programs that keep families together rather than separating parents from their children. Churches could also encourage divorced parents to fulfill their individual responsibilities for nurturing children even when they do not have custody.
The church also has opportunities for ministry to families in the community. One type of ministry is to model healthy family life in RCA congregations. Another example is to provide childcare facilities for parents who must work. Buildings that are nearly empty during the week could meet local codes for child-care services, often with minimal renovation costs. These services could include full-time day and night care or more limited programs before and after school for latchkey children.
IV. PUBLIC POLICY RESPONSES TO THE CRISIS
The church can also deal with the family crisis by promoting public policies which strengthen families and which address the negative consequences of family breakdown. Although families are affected by many different kinds of public policies, the Commission on Christian Action focuses on the areas of greatest impact.
As noted above, some U.S. states have welfare policies which have the effect of discouraging employment through the loss of benefits, and of discouraging fathers from remaining in the home. As the United States embarks on a program of welfare reform, policy makers must be sensitive to the impact of various proposals on families, with particular concern for the welfare of children. For example, citizens should support policies that more slowly reduce healthcare or childcare benefits as welfare recipients get jobs or move to higher paying jobs. Policies that would require and obtain child-support payments from so-called "deadbeat dads" would both encourage more parental responsibility and provide more nongovernment funding for single mothers and their children. On the other hand, however, U.S. citizens should oppose welfare reform proposals that punish children for the behavior of parents or that terminate welfare support for adults without substantial efforts to provide job training and jobs that pay a livable wage. Some of the recent proposals in the welfare reform debate seem punitive toward the poor rather than following the biblical mandate for justice and compassion toward "the least of these."
Tax policies, such as tax credits or personal exemptions for dependents, also have an impact on families. If these benefits are sufficiently large, the number of parents who need to work could be reduced and the time that parents could spend nurturing their children could increase. The most positive benefit would occur if these credits or exemptions were targeted toward low- and middle-income families who have the greatest difficulty finding jobs with health insurance benefits, locating affordable day care, or simply making ends meet.
Other public policy initiatives that would help families include restricting the opportunities for easy, no-fault divorces, particularly in situations involving young children. Perhaps the divorce process could include additional or separate hearings when there are children still in the home, so that the developmental needs of the children will be considered in the decision-making process. In addition, laws prohibiting (or at least restricting) pornography can limit the availability of images that degrade women and portray unhealthy interpersonal relationships between men and women and between adults and children. Government policies, as well as private initiatives, can also be designed to provide alternatives to abortion through expanded adoption services.
V. SUMMARY
There is a crisis of the family in North American society. The church has a critical role to play in offering a biblical vision of healthy family life and in speaking prophetically to the family crisis. God calls the people of the Reformed Church in America to love and responsibility in the home and in society.
REFERENCES
Bennett, William J. "The Index of Leading Cultural Indicators." Washington, D.C.: The Heritage Foundation, 1993.
Clapp, Rodney. Families at the Crossroads. Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 1993.
Elshtain, Jean Bethke. "Family Matters: The Plight of America's Children." The Christian Century, July 14-21, 1993.
Maldanado, Jorge. Even in the Best of Families: The Family of Jesus and Other Biblical Families Like Ours. Geneva: WCC Publications, 1994.
Myers, David G. "Society in the Balance: America's Social Recession and Renewal." Unpublished manuscript.
RCA Theological Commission. "Biblical Perspectives on Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage." Minutes of General Synod, 1975.
Sawhill, Isabel V. "Young Children and Families" in Henry J. Aaron and Charles L. Schultze, eds., Setting Domestic Priorities: What Can Government Do? Washington, D.C.: The Brookings Institution, 1992.
Whitehead, Barbara DaFoe. "Dan Quayle Was Right." The Atlantic Monthly, April, 1993.
|