What We Leave Behind

Kaarin Granberg-Michaelson

edited by Bob Terwilliger, summer 2022

In the years since I worked as a hospital chaplain in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and retired in Santa Fe, New Mexico, I have experienced an explosion of creativity that I could not have anticipated. While too many people will never have any retirement benefits, or even the opportunity to retire, Wes and I have been gifted to retire in a place that beckoned us, and a place where we are thriving.

Here, I am engaged in creative writing, making jewelry, gardening, painting, and singing. As Mr. Rogers used to say, I have “all the time I need” to indulge these wonderful pursuits. Recently, my Monday writing group embarked on a project of collecting our writing and putting it together in a format which we would like to share with others, especially our families. My writing includes thoughts about experiences which have shaped me – family history, times of joy and celebration, wounding events from which I have ultimately grown, and the path to my faith and vocation.

I consider myself fortunate to have known that I wanted to be part of healing work ever since I listened to RCA career missionary to China, Jeanette Veldman. As she spoke from the pulpit of Maplewood Reformed Church, she captivated my adolescent imagination completely. From then on, I hoped that I would become a missionary nurse. She sowed in me the seed of desire to be a helper.

Experiences in the Church of the Savior in Washington, D.C. propelled me to enter Wesley Theological Seminary, which led me to a degree in pastoral care and counseling. With a physician friend, I received a grant to begin a holistic health center in the inner city. In my counseling practice, I heard many stories of grief. When I looked for an antidote to so much brokenness, it seemed to me that the church could become more intentional. Some churches have instinctively offered unconditional acceptance to hurting members and embodied God’s mercy and grace.

My own experience of healing in the context of loving faith communities inspired me to write three small books about the church’s healing mission. After I was ordained to the Ministry of Word and Sacrament, I became a hospital chaplain to the urgently ill, the elderly, and brain-injured patients in long-term care. Nothing I had experienced before this job prepared me for the challenge and gifts of these years.

As I look over my life and its gleanings, I am collecting my poetry, creative non-fiction, family history, and children’s stories. What life lessons can I offer to my young grandchildren? I will likely not be around to counsel and comfort them in their first crisis. So, I plan to share my thoughts on what has made me who I am. In doing so, I plan to be transparent. I want my loved ones to know that disappointment and adversity are part of every life – that although I did not always see it, God has been with me in all circumstances.

That is the beauty of wisdom. Though health and strength diminish, and our brain slows down, if we are fortunate, we can see that God has had hold of us all along. Sooner or later I will join those who have gone before me. In whatever form heaven exists, I believe that I will be held in God’s measureless love eternally. In the meantime, I plan to live life to its fullest.

What will you leave behind? Your family history, how you grew up, your companions, what led you to faith and ministry, and, of course, your list of accomplishments? I hope that you will also consider sharing some of your times of doubt and disillusionment, times when you may have felt like giving up. Who were your mentors, what helped you recover hope in times of difficulty? In this way, those who come after you will receive the gift of a roadmap to God’s redeeming grace.

Today may not be your finest hour. You may be doing battle with poor health, the incalculable loss of your partner or best friend, or the fear of death nipping at your heels. As you consider what to say – what to leave behind – I hope that you will let your friends and loved ones know you were never truly alone – that in all circumstances you belonged to God.

     Kaarin Granberg-Michaelson received her B.A. from Hope College and a Master’s degree in Pastoral Care and Counseling from Wesley Theological Seminary. She completed her path to ordination in the Reformed Church in America. She was a short-term missionary to Japan, a pastoral counselor, and is the author of three books. She completed her career as a hospital chaplain at Blodgett Hospital in Grand Rapids, Michigan. She lives happily in Santa Fe, New Mexico with her husband and two cats. She has two children and two grandchildren. krgm521@gmail.com