Together till death do us part

by Ron Lokhorst

edited by Bob Terwilliger, spring 2023

A snapshot of an experience with dementia

After the usual battery of tests, my wife, Karen, was diagnosed with early stage dementia by a neurologist in the summer of 2019. With much prayer and family discussion, as well as primary doctor advice, we moved from our home in Gahanna, Ohio, on Thanksgiving weekend to an independent living apartment at Inniswood Village National Church Residences in Westerville, Ohio.

Physically, Karen’s need for care became too much for me in the independent living apartment. She would fall even using a walker. I needed to call the squad for help. It was time to make a move into the memory care unit, which we did on Memorial Day weekend in 2020. We enjoy our first-floor view of the parking lot, the open field, and our church buildings.

As people walk by, they wave, and we have a bird feeder that provides entertainment when the birds come to feed.

I know that it was with God’s guidance that I chose to live here as well. It is the place to be. We believe that we are to be together till death do us part, not dementia!

Karen’s memory recalls her childhood, high school, and college days. She recognizes family and friends who visit. Volunteers come to read and talk with Karen four days each week. Our daughter Lynnette, who lives in Gahanna, visits at least twice a week. Spiritually, Karen appreciates worship on live stream or a video each Friday afternoon. She loves to sing the songs that are displayed on the screen. Prayer time is twice daily when she repeats after me or joins me in saying the Lord’s Prayer or the first question and answer in the Heidelberg Catechism. “What is our only comfort in life and in death? … We belong, body and soul, to our faithful Savior Jesus Christ.” Every day, she prays with our two prayer partners.

Slowly, over time, Karen’s physical disability caused her to be confined to a wheelchair. Two resident aides are needed for transfer, which is done with a full body sling that she sits on during the day. It is attached to a hover lift. Transfers for getting out of bed are at 7:00 a.m., and getting into bed at 8:00 p.m. The care by the nurses and resident aides is excellent. Complete care is needed for personal hygiene, dressing, checking and changing briefs every 4-5 hours through the day and night, showers twice a week, etc. I do pick out clothes for her to wear. Karen joins me in always expressing a thank you to the aides and nurses for their care. We have our meals in our apartment. I order breakfast from the main kitchen. Lunch and dinner are delivered. When scheduled, we participate in activities such as chair yoga or volleyball, community musical programs, etc. In warm weather, we enjoy going out on the sidewalks around the building.

I am able to continue a volunteer relationship with our church, Central College Presbyterian, located on adjoining property. I meet weekly with staff and assist at one of the Sunday worship services. Also, I have the opportunity for occasional personal time out and about. Indeed, God has blessed us richly in our current lifestyle.

Ron was raised on a dairy farm in Baldwin, Wisconsin. He attended a one-room elementary school with one teacher. It was named Happy Valley. There were two people in his class. His high school class had 27 students. He received a BA from Hope College and an MDiv from New Brunswick Theological Seminary. He served churches in Port Ewen, New York, and St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands (twice); at Good Samaritan in Gahanna, Ohio; at Willow Grove in Pennsylvania (twice); and churches in Linden, Manahawkin, and Brielle, New Jersey. Ron also served as executive director of the Warwick Conference Center in Warwick, New York. Ron and Karen live at 1195 North St, Apt 106, Westerville, OH 43081. rklokhorst143@gmail.com